Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE
OK, so this scene wasn’t originally scripted. RTD added it into the script based on Bernard Cribbins’ experience of the war.
Bernard Cribbins fought in World War Two
Bernard Cribbins never killed a man
And Bernard Cribbins is incredibly proud of that.
This is so important
We go forward.
what the fuck how is he putting his arm through the cat and it doesn’t even care
You clearly don’t own a cat
Assassin’s Creed Unity Meets Parkour in Real Life -video-
Microsoft has released the first photos of Spartan Agent Locke, the main character in upcoming live-action Halo series.
View the gallery here.
not even a Halo fan but 100% here for whatever this is
OH SHIT GIMME
….when it comes to a black woman having a potential relationship with the white male lead. Suddenly, there’s “too much going on” for a relationship, and the black woman doesn’t need to be seen as dependent on a man (which is such bullshit as she’s already independent and solitary to a fault).
So here’s the thing…
Whether you agree with it or not, media criticism is an essential and necessary part of fandom. It is both a reflection and examination of what is and the hope for what might be.
if we’re being honest, our media has more often than not done an embarrassing job of showing the world as it should be. And the version of the world they do show is full of the same tropes, idioms and cliches that prevent us from telling more fully realized stories of POC that make the color of our skin just one part of a much more interesting characterization rather than a primary defining quality.
In the former, women of color are BAMF’s with agency who don’t need to be alone because “a man doesn’t define them”. They fuck, they fight, they give and receive love in a way that says more about their humanity then their skin color and the embedded messaging that it implies.
In the latter, Abbie Mills doesn’t need to be defined by her relationship to a man and will therefore never be romantically involved with Ichabod (or anyone else).
As the demographic makeup of our country changes, the codified biases and prejudices that have empowered white males throughout history and subjugated the “other” have not magically disappeared.
One hopes that the proliferation of new media platforms creates more opportunities in front of and behind the camera to tell stories that are a reflection of what our society is capable of becoming.
Dominance Behavior in Canids
I didn’t really even WANT to make a post about this.
The alpha-beta-omega model of wolf packs is dead in scientific literature, hammered into the ground, so to speak, and it’s been dead for over ten years. So why am I still hearing about it on TV and reading about it in articles? Why are popular dog trainers that encourage you to “be the alpha” still taken seriously?
I think the unfortunate truth is that the idea that there are strong and ferocious leaders in wolf packs and that you, too, can take on that role with your dog is just somehow appealing to people. Almost romantic, in the older sense of the word. And because of this, it makes money. It sells werewolf media. It sells dog training classes. Educational science channels that have no business promoting this false ideology keep it on board because it gets people watching.
If you couldn’t tell, I’m pretty fed up with the whole thing.
Okay, let’s talk about dominance, particularly what the word even means, because popular media does a terrible job of explaining it.
Attention all werewolf creators!